Ahhhh, here we are in unit 8:) We had done many exercises and meditation practices this semester, some were very long and distracting, others were motivating and peaceful. ALL of them taught me many things. I learned that my mind can be calmed, though my household may not necessarily follow suit. I learned that I actually LIKE my mind quiet and peaceful, and that my constant multi-tasking ways are not the best way to go through life. I also learned that while I DO enjoy having a calmer, more peaceful mind, I am suddenly aware of the constant chatter and noise created by many around me, and it bothers me! I used to go through my busy days in constant motion, with constant chatter in my head of what I need to do, what I can do, what if I did this, what if I did that...and the noise around me just mixed in. Now, with my calmer mind, I find myself cringing from the surrounding noise and wanting to just find a bit of peace. By the end of dinner time, I am mindfully DONE. I just want a peaceful evening! I no longer run myself from morning til night and fall into bed exhausted, but, instead, start my peaceful descent into night by relaxing, working in my garden, enjoying time in conversation, and taking walks. Did I mention that I have a 15 year old that NEVER stops talking?????? Or, the fact that I have three teenagers that like to chatter on about their lives, their friends, their TV shows, their web experiences-non-stop??? I love that they talk to me, of course, but one can only handle so much talk about WWE, hair color techniques, and the NFL draft! (ok, the draft thing-I'm in on that one;))
My favorite exercises in the journey have been week 7's guided mediation, which I blogged about last week, and the exercise from page 144-145 of Integral Health by Dascher.
I loved the exercise from the book because I controlled it. I wrote mantras for each section, and repeated them throughout. I felt very calm and peaceful when I was done, and I was able to monitor the time that I spent, which lowered my anxiety. I plan to use this regularly, and I'm even searching for an awesome mediation pillow to add to my fitness/wellness room:)
Exercise 7 was my second favorite. I sat in the sun, thawed my frozen bones, smelled the flowers around me and wore headphones to drone out the noise of my sons playing basketball in the driveway. I found my wise person-not an easy task-and I will share: It was George Harrison, as in The Beatles. I come from a very troubled, dark, abusive, shattered background. For a long time, I thought I was damaged and crazy. Years and years of therapy, eating disorders and more abusive relationships then I can count, and I realized one day-after moving far, far, away-that it wasn't me. When I got away from toxic family, my entire life was different. Years of being told I imagined things, made up things, told lies, damaged things-all simply went away. I found myself surrounded by wonderful people who thought I was loving, honest, compassionate, hard working, intelligent and normal. When I visited family, it all came back- to them, I was crazy, horrible, stupid, trash. It was an instant recognition that led me right back into therapy to be sure it was real. And it was. The anger I felt was massive, the relief was even greater. I learned to move away from 45 years of craziness-which, by the way, still goes on without my presence-miles and miles away. Point of this is-sorry-I made it through my childhood by listening to music. All the time. The Beatles became my family-they taught me about life and love, hope and peace. They are in my blood, and they bring me a warmness that my family has never offered. It may sound crazy-but it's a survival tactic that worked in positive ways.
So, I sought out George. He's a peaceful, wise man. The words to his songs bring me a feeling of calmness, and he always was "who he was", and never some rock start image. I felt peace. I may revisit this meditation again, and in doing so, revisit George.
These exercises have given me peace, calmness, and insight, and I have seen the way they have touched me, and in turn, I have touched others. I think about loving kindness more and more each day, and try, mindfully, to share that with others through my daily journey. This will definitely help me in the future.
On an ending note, when George Harrison passed in November of 2001, he left the world in peace and love; His last words are the best last words I've ever heard:
"Love one another"
Peace:)
Sami
Sami,
ReplyDeleteI must say you make the second exercise sound quite relaxing, maybe i should try these out in the sun and i might have better luck. I didnt have luck with either exercise from last week. My favorite exercise was the subtle mind, i liked this one because you were able to take your mind off all your problems for a moment and focus on your breathing. I found this very relaxing. I plan to try these exercises again and see if the results are better or different. I definitely plan to continue the subtle mind and i also like the loving-kindness meditation. This didnt work for me last time but if i find a way to remember what i need to say, i think it will work out very well. I pretty much do this through prayer anyway!
Sami, I find that the Subtle Mind exercise gave me the same, mind-calming effect, which made me more in tune with my inner self. And, like you, more aware of the chaos around me. And as for the talkative 15 year old? My boys are 21 and 18, and my daughters are 15 and 4---try have one in each ear while trying to listen to our seminars and do homework! (I've actually been tempted to break out the duct tape for some silence.......lol)
ReplyDeleteHi Sami, as pleasing as it was to read about your new sense of calm and ease, I also thought it was a little contradicting at the same time. I mean no offense but two things stood out to me… First, you said "I am suddenly aware of the constant chatter and noise created by many around me, and it bothers me". I don't think meditation is meant to calm your mind, and stop inner annoyance of yourself, only to have you be annoyed with your surroundings. Although you're aware of more noise and chatter around you, maybe one way to look at it instead of being irritated is to think "I'm at least grateful I can hear and I'm glad to not be dead" and then channel the commotion out and think of calmness or something rather than being bothered. The second thing, was when you mentioned your teenager and kids that never stop talking. You said you love that they talk to you, but then why do you seem annoyed? Do they not give you time and space? Are there parts of the day that can be "you" time. I also think, (sad to say) but if your 15 yr old were to be gone tomorrow, you'd probably give anything just to hear them tell you about their life again. I can respect your thoughts and opinions, I just think there's more positive ways to look at things and that meditation isn't mean to give you peace while being able to point out faults around you now. I mean truth be told, it's hard to be positive everyday all the time, but that's why friends/classmates or people in your life can just simply remind you ;-)
ReplyDeleteHeather, I welcome your thoughts, of course. However, with this being a school assignment, and a rather personal one at that, all I have to say is you don't know me, or my life:) If you did, you would easily see that this was written with a sense of humor-as my other classmates seemed to notice. Without feeling the need to "explain" myself to you, I will just say, I am a total hands on mom, with four kids, who I have chosen to home educate for the last 19 years-while being a single mom with no help or family involved. My kids are generally with me all of the time, I am heavily involved in their activities, and I have at least 2 other children at my house during non-school hours how call me mom. Not a single person that knows me, or the journey I have walked, has ever considered me unappreciative or negative. In fact, most consider me, as they put it, a "woman of steel", and an inspiration. I need no reminder of the blessings in my life-just walking up each morning is reminder enough. Every single day is a blessing and a joy, and I walk that walk daily. My sense of humor may have eluded you, but it get's me through my life, and each day, and it's very apparent to those around me. That said, no, I don't get a lot of "me" time, but that is by choice. I'm a mom, first and foremost, and I hold that close to my heart.
DeleteAs for contradictions, I write from my heart, and with this being a personal type blog, I don't write for the audience of others so much. I wrote what I felt, in the 10 minutes I had to complete the assignment. But, it was definitely written to be light and cheeky, as was the previous comment by another class in which she joked about duct tape to quiet her kids. If you truly knew my life, you'd be shocked to see the level of "positivity" that I currently live.:)
Blessings upon you, and thanks for commenting:)
Hi Sami, I love love love your blog post this week! I had to laugh as I was reading through your first paragraph because I kept thinking "this is me" and "oh my gosh, me too". For years I have juggled multiple jobs, school, family and friends and always saw my great ability to multi-task as an asset. I quickly realized within the first few weeks of this course that this is not such a great thing and now I find myself focusing more on the task at hand before moving on to the next whether it's at work or with school. I also know exactly how you feel about enjoying the peace and quiet. When my nieces and nephews come visit some nights, with their constant chatter and noises, I feel bad cause I just want to crawl away to quiet place. So I am glad I am not the only one that feels this way!
ReplyDelete